Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Brad and I went to see the new Wonka movie last night. I had been a little apprehensive of this film due to my great love for the original movie as well as my love for all the Roald Dahl books. The only thing that made me think that this might be a good version was that I really feel that Tim Burton is the only director that could capture the darkness that Dahl writes with and yet keep the comical aspect of the film. The movie started and I was completely moved to the world of Charlie. I fell in love with this movie and I would be willing to go see it again today. The really amazing thing was that I felt my love for this film in no way betrayed my love for the Gene Wilder version. They are two completely different films and I would say Willy Wonka are two different people who happen to share the same name. I do feel that Burton captured more of the essence of Dahl's book and the original is way more light spirited feel good movie. Both movies made me want to live in the chocolate factory especially the edible park but if I had to choose I think I would prefer to live in Burton's factory. The one thing that I wish had happened in either of the two movies but didn't was the fact that it was no fluke that Charlie got the last ticket he was chosen and through a bit of magic he bought the winning bar at a candy store that only existed for him to buy the bar at. It is my favorite part of the book and it saddens me that both directors missed it.

I hope that some day a candy factory makes a candy meadow where people can pay to visit and everything is edible. If it existed now I would have the wedding there next to the chocolate river. I think if anyone ever pulls it off they will make a lot of money.

Class

I finally got a hold of the registrar for the conversion class Brad and I are taking. Since there are no classes in the near future for me to make up the class I missed I can go and talk to my Rabbi about the subject and have him call saying I know all I need to know about it and it will be made up. That was a huge relief because I would much rather talk to Rabbi Maller and get it over with the have to meet in a strange class and try to learn from a Rabbi I have no history with. Also by getting it from Rabbi Maller I will get good information as well as my questions answered not ignored.

Brad and I have a big weekend planned. On Saturday we have a breakfast with the MINI's and then we head to Pasadena to have a BBQ at my brother's house. On Sunday we have a MINI run and then we are going to a Bridal expo and then we are coming home and having movie night at our house. That is a lot to do in one weekend.

The Great Aunt

So my niece's water broke today so she is in the hospital now and they are inducing labor. So I guess by the end of the day I will be a great aunt. I find the whole thing to be very strange, somehow saying I could be a great aunt also means that I could be a grandmother had I had kids already. This is a very scary thing to me as I don't feel quite ready to have kids yet even now that I have reached my 30's. I was thinking about it though and it is entirely possible that the rash of girls that had babies while we were in high school could now be grandparents. I suppose that there are times in your life where a mirror is held up and you see how your life could have gone if you had made different choices. Sometimes that might be at a high school reunion, or running into a old friend. For the most part when those times have found me, I have been happy with the direction my life has gone. I find it to be a little rewarding that I can look back at the others my life has crossed and feel that I have made good choices and I am not embarrassed by the way my life has shaped up. I guess during those times I should thank those others around me for making different choices than me and showing me where the other path lead. I should say that my sister in law is delighted to be a 33 year old grandmother, so I am happy for her. I am just really glad it is not me. I just appreciate that there are people out there whose lives are very different than yours and they might love them and be glad they are not leading yours, but that you can feel like I am glad I am who I am because you are not leading their life.

Wedding stuff

So this has been a crazy time. While Brad and I were in Philadelphia I went with two of my attendants and picked out and ordered their dresses for the wedding. We also went and picked out a wedding band for me and started the process of finding one for Brad. This week Brad has been trying to get our website up and running so people will know were to go to ask questions about the wedding. We started a wedding blog so this should be the last blog here on wedding stuff. Today we went and registered at Macy's and at Home Depot, I didn't realize how much work registering was. So now we have a starting point. Other than that the wedding plans are coming along and I am not feeling stress about it yet.

Yesterday we went to Irwinndale Speedway and saw the races. Brad and the other MINIacs got to drive the pace lap while I was in the announce booth being the spokesperson for the club. We had a great time and came back exhausted. Jesse James was racing in the figure 8 race and he puts on a good show. He won the event so that is a real crowd pleaser. It was nice to spend a day with some of our very good friends and I have to say I feel very lucky to be in such a great club.

In other news of late, I realize I never updated this blog about my parents house. After much thought and contemplation my parents have decided not to sell and so for the next 5 years at least I don't have to worry about it. Words can not express what a relief that has been. So the landscaper should be coming out in the next few weeks to completely redo my parents backyard. I am very curious to see how all this turns out as I am having a hard time picturing the yard any way but the way it has always been. I am very excited to see how it will all turn out. So it is getting very late and I should be getting to bed now. Good night

Current Events

Ok so I suppose you all have had enough time to stop laughing at my stupidity from the previous post and so now I can begin to get you caught up on all the small happenings of my life of late. I have decided that it is time for me to seriously look for a new place to work and so I have been scouring job boards and sending out resumes. I interviewed with a new bakery that is about to open and the interview seemed to go well and the job was very promising but after several weeks of the employer milling over his decision he decided to go a different direction. I discovered from this that it is even more frustrating to not get a job when you have the skills and experience in order to perform the job and they still pass on you. On the plus side things are starting to pick up at work and I should be getting more hours. Although that is great I think it is still time for me to see if there is something better out there. Another positive is that Andrew and Debbie really don't want me to leave so when business inproves I can finally go in and demand a decent wage.

Brad and I are doing really well and I think everyday I see something else to love him more for. It is now less than a year until the wedding and since it is no longer May I can now say we are getting married May 21st and lose the 2006. On Saturday it will be exactly 5 years ago that Brad and I meant. My how time flies. We will spend that anniversary in Philadelphia watching Brad's sister graduate from college. We will be coming back to Los Angeles Friday the 17th and I will then wish my Mom a very Happy Birthday. On Saturday the 18th it will be 5 years since Brad and I started dating and we will spend that anniversary all day at a Shabbaton with my conversion class. Then that Sunday the 19th will be Father's Day so it looks like it will be a very busy week.

It seems as though I may be getting a race car of my own soon so Brad will have to begin to eat my dust on the track. I am very excited about this and am looking forward to having a project car of my own to Monkey around with. I will give more details later when the deal is done but it looks as though I will have a fully functional race car with roll cage for under $300. Let's just say Brad is now very scared of me. So to decorate my race car I will be looking for some very large daisy stickers because nothing says race car like flowers. Yes the car will have a name and will be severely abused. So I guess now I really need to find that auto mechanic class I have always wanted to take.

Ok you all have enough info to digest for a little while I wouldn't want you to be overly stimulated by the fact of a post 2 days in a row. We will see if we can throw caution to the wind and post 3 in a row. Wouldn't that be novel.

Blond Moment

Ok so it has been quite awhile since I have posted and I guess it is time I get back to posting. I decided that I would begin by sharing one of my more brilliant moments of late so you all might at least get a laugh at my expensive. Yesterday Brad and I had a very busy day that consisted of a breakfast at 7:30, a picnic in Santa Barbara area at 11 and then a party at a friends house at 7:30pm. So needless to say there was really no time between events. In the meantime so very good friends of ours were showing their car today at a show and needed the use of our garage so they could wax the car before the show. Since we would be gone all day I thought it would be easier for them if I moved my car out of the garage and into the complex parking so they would have the whole garage to work in. So I moved my car and then Brad pulled out of the garage next to my car so we could go and he closed the garage door. As my purse was still in the garage I jumped out of my car and asked Brad to reopen the garage so I could get my purse. I grabbed my purse and then got into Brad's car. We started to drive out of the complex when I got the feeling I had not locked my car doors, so I made Brad stop and I got out and checked my car and yes indeed the doors were not locked. I locked the doors and we went on our marry way. Several hours later we get a call from our friends that are using our garage apparently I had not only forgotten to lock the doors originally but I had also forgotten to turn off my car from idol and take out my keys. So basically my car sat outside and idled for 9 hours before we got home and I found the spare key to the car. Needless to say I had very little gas left. The good news is my car did not overheat or incur any other problems from my stupidity. Score a few more points to the fine people at Kia your cars do take a beating. So now I suppose I have done one far worse than locking your keys in the car or leaving the lights on. Thankfully we live in a safe area and my car wasn't stolen. Let's hope nothing that stupid happens again. Anyway it is late and I have to work early so I will let that be all for now and I promise to blog more tomorrow about recent events not in the shear stupid column.

TGIF

I have no reason to really care if it is Friday today or not as this was a very slow week at work and so I actually haven't worked that much. But it seems as though it is still nice that today is Friday so at least I don't have to feel guilty for not working the next two days. The longer I work with my trainer the longer I think I enjoy it. It seems as though not only have I gone down 2 sizes, I am more energetic, more flexible, and stronger. These are all good things. I hope at some point the scale will start to agree that I am indeed losing weight but alas right now the weight is staying the same and the body is changing. Oh well I shouldn't complain as Brad has lost weight but not changed sizes or had any of my other benefits and all things being equal I guess my side is better. I also get something else out of having a trainer twice a week. On Tuesdays and Fridays when she comes I am not as lonely and the day seems to go by faster. I need to figure out how to get some playmates that are home in the middle of the day like I am so that we can hang out together. I have even tried to volunteer at the Temple but thus far all I have gotten in response is that they will definitely call me. Oh well soon Brad will finish this movie and I will not be home by myself as much and it will be better. I have tried to not gripe about how terribly lonely I am since I only see him on Sundays because these hours are tougher on him then they are on me. At some point though I have to vent my frustration somewhere. I hate eating alone especially, for some reason eating alone seems like I am trying to hide that I am eating and it just seems like a social time to me. In any case this was supposed to be the last day of this movie and then I was going to get him back. They extended the deadline another month. Brad was so upset that the movie wasn't over but I feel like there is little I can do to lift his spirits when I was counting down the days as well. The thing that makes his hours so much worse is that my are the extreme opposite. When I do work it is very early in the morning so it is hard to stay up to see him when he comes home. I am then off by 1 or so and then have the rest of the day by myself. Those hours are hard enough but when you add to that the fact that we are so slow that in the past 3 days I have worked a total of 3 and a half hours I feel very guilty for being home while Brad is at work. So I suppose if you run through my emotions lately they have been, lonely, guilty, and grieving. Wow when you look at it that way it is no wonder no one is reading this blog. Well I will do my best to find a happy place tomorrow. Read then and see if I found it.

PS I keep hoping that I will click the spellcheck button and it will tell me I am a genious and everything is spelled correctly, that day hasn't come yet but I hope to find it soon.

I fought the law

Ok so in truth I was going to send a scathing letter to the City of Los Angeles about my $330 ticket but I had not taken good pictures yet to send the letter off. Today when I got home I checked the mail and saw I had a letter from the city of Los Angeles parking violations bureau. It said the office had discovered that the citation was invalid so therefore no further action or payment by me was necessary. So basically I thought about fighting the law and I won. So anyway apparently random handicapped zones do not appear out of nowhere and disappear before you return to your car. So I suppose it is once again safe to park on the streets of Los Angeles. Ok I have to go get ready for class now. I shall blog more later. In the Mean time YEAH!!!!!!!

I am blogging this

I was lacking a creative name for today's post so that is all I came up with sorry. My parents are still meeting with lawyers and appraisers before they make a final decision about their house. My Dad really wants to sell and my Mom really doesn't want to sell. So my Mom is feeling a little sad because she realizes she can't make my Dad not sell and not have him resent her for it later. It is sad really when did we become grownups and have to consider everyone else over our own wants. I really wish they wouldn't sell but I also want them to make the best decision for themselves. I really want to throw myself on the ground and throw a big old tantrum though and say they can't sell.

Brad is still working insane hours. They were suppose to end this week but alas they have extended his deadline until May 20th. I find it a little funny that Brad asked me to marry him and then started working around the clock the next day. He is so burnt out and tired of this movie he was sorry they extended the deadline as well. The thing is that my hours are quite the opposite right now and it would be nice if for once we could meet in the middle. Oh well hopefully this will be over in just a couple more weeks.

We had a very lovely Seder Sunday and it was really nice to enjoy the company of good friends around our table. It has really put a burden on my heart though. I have not been able to stop thinking about Brad and I starting a ministry to the young adults at our synagogue that have no other place to fit in. See as we aren't married yet we can not attend the couple events. As we are not parents we can not attend family events. As we are not students we can not attend student groups. So we have fallen into a whole. It seems to me that there are several other people at the Temple who are in the same boat as we are which is how we made friends with Jamie and Jenny who came to our Seder. The more I think about it the more I realize that if I feel called to do something about it I really need to act upon it. So I am thinking about starting small and just inviting people to come over after Temple Friday night for dessert and coffee and see where it goes from there. I am not sure as this is all very new to me but I think I might talk to the Rabbi about it and see what he might suggest. Well I suppose that this is all I have to say for now. I will talk to you all later.

The Love Letter

A little while ago I bought the DVD of the movie Jerry Maguire. There is a scene in there where he says you complete me. Shortly after I bought the movie a guest on Oprah was talking about that movie and said that the line gets women in trouble because then they look to a man to feel whole. At first I thought, but Brad does complete me or at least I feel more complete with Brad. I then began to think on the point a little more and I came to the realization that no Brad doesn't complete me because I am fully capable on my own. The answer is that with Brad I can be completely me. I do not have to hold a corner of myself back because he wouldn't understand. Instead if I am silly I can be silly, if I am sad I can be sad, if at any time a wild idea comes into my head I can tell him and we figure out together if it will work. In some ways it feels as if being completely me with someone makes me complete, that may be true but I think the point is that because I can be me I can be complete and that is where the distiction is. It is funny though how easy it is to forget that having someone you can be completely you around is special and unique. Sometimes when you are around someone else and you let a little too much of yourself out you quickly learn it was a mistake and this person can not handle all of you. I suppose the point is that I feel so fortunate that I will get to spend the rest of my life with someone who I can be honest with all of me, and trust them to handle it. It is also nice that he knows all of me and still loves me and will be goofy with me or grief a loss with me without making me feel stupid for taking it as a loss. I love that Brad totally gets my grief over my parents house and feels the loss too. That it isn't just me that is losing a dream but we are losing a dream together. But because we are ourselves with each other somewhere along the way the dreams we each held separately have merged and become our dreams together. This realization makes me even more sure that I am the luckiest woman alive that next Spring I will become his wife and we can begin finding our dreams together.

I know this post was a bit sappy but I thought you all could use it after my current posts. I hope that none of you got too bad of a stomach ache for reading it.

The Loss of a Dream

So news from parents came today and it is looking very much like they are going to sell their house. Now you may be saying big deal and I can see where you might be coming from but to me this was no ordinary house. Without tying into all the emotional aspects of why this is killing me I will start with this, I have never seen a house or yard that I would rather live in than the house I grew up in. My parents bought the house when I was 4 so I do not remember any house before it with any clarity. Every moment of my growing up was spent in that house and it has become a member of the family. 2.6 acres in Napa California is not something you can just find and when my parents happened upon it I recall them saying it was their dream home. When we moved in my Mother exclaimed that we were home now and she would never move again. I believed her. I never for a minute thought that there would ever be a time when my parents might live somewhere else. I thought that this is where they would die and then I would buy my brothers out and live there with my children. I did realize that the last aspect of that was a dream and would probally not be possible but I had hoped I would have a lot of time to work it out. I plan to get married at this house a year from now and while the sale will not make my parents have to move until after the wedding the reality is that my wedding will be the last memory created at the place where all of them start. In some ways I see it as poetic that it will make the wedding even more of beginning a new life and creating a new place that will be home to Brad and I, but the other part of me is not ready to let go. I suppose what I didn't say is that when my parents move out a bulldozer will come and knock down my parents house and replace the house with a community instead. I will never be able to show my children the house I grew up in nor will they have the pleasure of playing freely in Grandma and Grandpa's big back yard. I also know that I am being silly crying over a piece of land but that home is a piece of me and helped to mold me into who I am. I can not imagine any other place feeling more like home than that one did. There is another side to this I haven't stated yet, I am worried that if my parents sell the house they will have nothing left to do. Their days currently are spent remodeling the house to make it better for them. This is really the only exercise my Father gets and I worry about his health if he doesn't have that anymore. I guess what it all comes down to is that I am scared because I never picture a future without that home being apart of it. So if on my wedding day you see me crying more than the average bride know I am closing a door to much more of my past life than I ever anticipated and it will be a very hard day of letting go.

Frustration

Ever have one of those days when you feel like the cosmos is spitting on you. I had been having such a lovely time, a nice three day weekend with Brad and good friends, cool birthday presents, beautiful scenery and things maybe picking up at work. So I suppose as per the law of gravity I had to come down. Yesterday I went out to my car after a long day working and there was a parking ticket on my car. I figured it was because my sticker had been pulled off only a few days before and I had yet to make it to the DMV. So I took the ticket off my window, was a little frustrated and looked at the ticket. It was for $330.00 for parking in a handicap zone. Let me be clear and say I was parked on a city street with no signs limiting parking and the curb was not then nor had it ever been painted blue for handicap. In fact the only blue thing anywhere near the area is for a payphone. So now I get to fight the law. I am going to have to turn into mega photographer taking pictures of the area to prove it wasn't a handicapped spot. So my solution to this problem is screw them I will ride my bike from now on. Let them find a way to give that a parking ticket. All this started because the city is trying to get the homeless out of the area and so they have removed all the parking under the bridge and so there is little to no parking and the parking that is there is being strickly enforced. So I guess a homeless person needed my registration more than I did. At least they didn't break into my car.

So this prompted me to try and get the new printer working because I need to print out some forms to take with me to the dmv. Well it is now 3 hours later and I still don't have the printer working. Oh well it is not my day. If I can not get them to work tonight I will print it from work tomorrow.

On better news we have our intro to Judaism class tonight and I will get to play another round of stomp the Rabbi. I will be accepting questions in the comments that you may have for me to see if I can stomp him again. Last week I asked how you could hire a Temple Goy if the Torah says everyone in your camp including the stranger should rest on the 7 day. He didn't answer me but Rabbi Maller at my temple did. The goy can not be employed they have to volunteer to do those things for you or you are breaking the Sabbath and the practice began when Jews moved into cold climates like Russia because they could not survive the cold from not lighting fires. So feel free to leave your burning question for next weeks episode of Stump the Rabbi.

Cold Dead Body

I don't know if any of you are aware of this because it hasn't gotten much press, but the Pope is dead. While I find it said that the old man has passed and that he was very important to a lot of people, I don't see why every time I turn on the TV or open the internet I have to see pictures of his cold dead body. I know that in the Catholic faith they find it important to view the body of a loved one and since so many people hold a high value on the Pope they have to show pictures of him to those that have to mourn. My question is how does that involve me. I have no desire to see a dead body and am a bit offended that the media is forcing him on me even in commercials. I think they should have a special channel where it is all dead Pope all day long. You could put music to it and treat it like the Yule log they show every year at Christmas. For that matter I nominate the channel that plays the Yule log as the Dead Pope channel. That way only people who want to gaze upon the stiff, cold body can do so whenever they please and I don't have to see it. I have never seen a dead body before and have made the choice not to. I did not see the remains of my Grandparents when they passed and missing that part of the process did not hinder my grieving process. I certainly don't care to see a religious figure I didn't care about or agree with in life dead. So please media take your cold dead body pictures somewhere else.

OK now that I am done with that rant I will move on to other news. I only have one more work day and then I will begin my three day weekend of wine tasting and birthday. I love my birthday. The attention whore in me comes out and I love that everyone stops and acknowledges that a great thing happened to the world 32 years ago.... Karin entered it and the world may never be the same again. (Hee hee hee) Tomorrow will be a very busy day, I have to work in the morning and then Michele comes in the afternoon to abuse me yet again. I swear she keeps getting more and more sadistic in the torture she calls training. Then Tomorrow night I have my very first Intro to Judaism class. 18 weeks and I should be almost converted. The Rabbi already said I will be the teachers star student. I am afraid I will be one of those know it all geeks that the class wants to pummel. I guess we will see.

Today in the mail I got a new toy. I got the Ipod Shuffle Sport Case. So now my Shuffle is in a water proof case so I can still go out and exercise if it is raining. Of course I got this just as it seems the rain is finally gone. Oh well I guess I run a little late some times. Last night Brad got home about the same time as my alarm started to go off to get up. Ah well we will get to see each other this weekend and he is going to go with me to my Intro class. I think he is afraid of me knowing more about being a Jew than him and that is why he is so willing to take this class. We will see if he stays as interested in the class when homework is assigned. To be honest I am not sure how interested I am in homework. I mean how can a assignment show what my faith is. Well rules are rules and I will have to play by them for now.

Pet Peeves

Ok so the other day Brad and I went to the movies. We saw Sin City and I hated it, but that is beside my point here. I find several things at a movie theatre just get on my nerves. The one that really gets me is the sound of people crunching all through the movie. Why in the world did we decide to have the worlds noisiest food as the movie staple. I really don't want to hear you crunching in the middle of the movie I paid to watch. I also hate people who come in late to a movie and then expect other people to change seats to accomendate them. First I got here early and chose the specific seats I did for a reason. Second believe it or not I am watching the previews and to me it is just as much a part of the movie as the movie itself. Third the world doesn't revolve around you so why am I being inconvenienced for your lack of time management. My last big annoyance in the theatre is children in movies they have no business seeing. First a 10 pm show is not for you to have your kids at. That show time is adults only and we don't want to listen to your screaming kids who are up way past their bedtime so they are tired and cranky. Two a rated R film is not for your 5 year old. There is a reason that the films are rated and if you have to bring Billy to the movies take him to a movie that is for him and not for me. Third I am not their parent, if I wanted kids I would have them so don't ask me to parent them for you. You know when they are being rude and distracting, so do something about it, don't make me turn around and tell Billy to please stop kicking my seat and throwing popcorn.

The thing is I really do like going to the movies. There is no better way to see a movie than on the big screen with the sound rumbling your seats. I just don't like other people distracting me from staying in the world of the movie. I don't want to know that I am surrounded by other people watching a movie, I want to be the third person omniscient who is floating above the story being played out. I can see now that this was my problem with Sin City. I could in no way feel apart of the movie being played out. The story didn't make me want to go there with them, so instead my brain focused on the none ceasing sound of crunching coming from the stranger next to me. Next time I hope people will eat dinner before the movie begins.

Living with the Seven Dwarves

It seems as though lately my darling fiancee has been going through the stages of the dwarves. A few weeks ago he was sneezy, as he was feeling under the weather a bit. He is almost always Doc, as he has an amazing grasp on all sorts of random information. By the time he gets home at night he is usually sleepy. Right now he is trying to change his brakes and I think he is feeling a bit like Dopey, though I don't really think so. I am looking forward to him being Happy, I am hoping next weekend will help out with that. But this weekend he has been Grumpy. He came home yesterday in a grump and today has stayed in it. His brakes on his car aren't helping him out any in improving his mood. On days that he turns into Grumpy Dwarf I find it best to say as little as possible. I know his mood has little to do with me so it is best to not do anything to be the source of his Grumpiness. I actually don't mind Grumpy Dwarf that much, it can actually be funny to watch, but it does make me a little sad that he is so frustrated with things and there is little to nothing I can do to fix it. I know the movie is almost over and when it finally ends I should lose the dwarves and gain my fiancee. Actually though through this whole thing there is a dwarf that is yet to appear. I seriously doubt I will ever see this one manifest though, and he is Bashful. Although the good thing about living with the dwarves is that in Brad's eyes I am Snow White. I suppose there are worse things to be.

Tired

This has been a very long week. My boss is on vacation so that leaves the pastry kitchen all to me. This would not be a big deal because we are slow except that the orders seem to come in at the last second and so I try to find things to do to keep me there in case something comes in. Since I have no clue of what will come when I am playing it by ear a lot. In addition to this I am trying to be very good about doing my exercises. Today I went on an hour and a half bike ride. All I can say now is I am sore. I am however really enjoying my Ipod shuffle and am glad I have it for my daily exercising. I guess I am lucky with the exercise that I can go out and walk or go out and bike ride. I don't think I would be nearly as motivated using stationary equipment. I know of no stationary bike that takes you past fields of wild flowers and then to the ocean but the bike trail next to my house does. Of course a stationary bike doesn't have to fight upwind, but hey mare of a workout for me.

In other news not related to me, Terri Shiavo finally passed away today. I am happy she is finally at peace. I hope someday soon her family will enjoy peace as well. I wonder if her parents felt any sense of relief when she finally passed away. I know when my grandparents were ill it was very sad to see them go but also good that their pain and struggling was over. In any case I hope they now can focus on the love of Terri and not on her time in the vegetative state.

Oh well it is time for me to go to bed. I have to be at work at 4am tomorrow. It is somewhat troubling to know that when I get to work in the morning you guys on the East Coast are still asleep. I am tempted sometimes to call just because you have already slept 3 more hours than me. I suppose that is the stinker in me.

Unplug Me Please

With all the news of Terri Shiavo I have been thinking of how terrible this whole situation is. Now I don't care what side of the issue you fall upon, I have my very strong opinion and that will not be changing anytime soon. My issue is dignity. I am sorry but the media circus that surrounds this issue is bad enough, some might even say distasteful, but to have your final days be spent with so much arguing has got to be terrible. What I wish for Terri is for her to rest in PEACE. There is little I can think of that would be worse than my family and Brad publicly fighting and ruining each other lives over me. So I would like to make it clear here and now I do not wish to be a stuffed animal on a bed. If all measures have been taken to make me better and have failed unplug me. I do not want a respirator, a feeding tube (Life without chocolate?). Some argue her brain is still working and she is still under all of this but unable to respond. This to me is way worse than if she wasn't alert. My brain being a prisoner to a body that can do nothing to respond, no thank you. Ears to hear what everyone is saying but the inability to communicate back. So I have a plan if my wishes are not heeded, I will obviously still die before you do and I will haunt you like there is no tomorrow. Every step you take I will be there making you live through a hell as you forced me to.

I guess the hardest thing for me in this whole mess is the relationship between Mike Shiavo and Terri's parents. I guess I really don't believe Mike is a bad guy. I think he honestly wants what is best for Terri as well as he would really like to move on. The thing about all this is when Terri is finally gone at some point they are going to realize how hurtful all this ones to everyone involved and maybe once they step outside of the situation they will see each others points. By then though it will be too late, actually it is already too late now. All of the mud slinging that has been done in the press can never be undone. Things that have happened can not unhappen. In the end these people have torn each other into little bits and robbed Terri of any dignity she had left. I can not say who is right in the situation maybe she wanted to stay alive at all costs and maybe she wanted to be unplugged. The thing is she didn't make her feelings clear either way and that is what started this whole mess. So from this I say make sure you make your wishes in this clear to your family, all sides of them. Make out a living will. Tell your Doctor as well. Take out an ad in the news paper just in case. I don't know what all you can do but whatever you do make your wishes well known to your inner circle. For me I want to be unplugged and now you all know that. I may not know what you want to do and if I have to make the decision with no knowledge of your wishes I will unplug you too. So if that isn't what you want you had better let me know. That is if you are leaving me as the decision maker and well I don't see that happening unless you are my parents or Brad and I already know what they want me to do.

Old Friends

This weekend my very good friend came up from Northern Cal and spent the weekend with us. It was a very nice visit and nice to have a girlfriend around to do girlie things with. The only problem is that she is a night owl and I am a morning person. Ok let me just say I wish I wasn't a morning person but the hours I work force me to be one. I tried to stay up late with her and watch a Sex in the City marathon but 2 episodes in I was asleep on the couch. Then I got up at 8 the next morning and had to hide downstairs until she and Brad finally woke up at 10. It is funny how when people come to visit it is really nice having them, but it is also really nice when they leave. Something about having to entertain people can be so draining especially if you have already worked a long day. Today when I got home she asked what I had planned for us to do. I hadn't planned anything I just wanted to sit down for a little while and rest before I had to take her to the airport tonight and go to Hebrew class afterwards although it was cancelled. But I worked up the energy and we walked over to Target and did some shopping and had manicures. My ring does look even better with manicured hands. We then were going to go have Chinese Food at Thai Klang Dong but after we walked over there we discovered it was closed for some unknown reason. Oh well she could get something at the airport. I had a really good time having her here for the weekend. I also feel good that I got her out walking, even though she hated it. At least now she sees it can be done. Although I don't think she will keep up with it. Oh well I can't convince everyone.

In other news since we did a lot of shopping this weekend I tried on a lot of clothes and the results were conclusive at all the stores. I have gone down a size. It isn't much yet and I can't really see a difference but down a size is definitely a start. My trainer will be so happy tomorrow when I tell her. She will then promptly kick my butt a little harder. I have stayed off caffeine for 2 1/2 weeks now and I am feeling pretty good about it. I meet with the Doctor this week to get a follow up exam. I bought a pedometer today so I will finally know how far I walk a day. I think it will be interesting. We went to the mall this weekend and one of the stores has a very cool thing in it. You go into this booth and this thing spins around the booth and tells the computer your exact measurements. I think I should go in there once a week and get measured to see what the change is from week to week. I will also be able to tell where the weight is coming off first. Like wow this week I lost Butt!! Anyway they have the machine for 8 weeks and I will let you know how it goes. Well I am tired of writing now so I will end this blog for tonight and write more tomorrow. Yes I will be better about writing on a daily bases again.

The Ides of March

Today is the day Caesar died. There is something so cool about the Ides of March. So the Ides of March have come. I but not yet gone. I think it is important to remember but no one else seems to care. So today if you read this or next 3/15 remember the Ides of March and Hail Caesar. If nothing else you could at least have his salad today. I wonder if the Hotel in Vegas does anything special on the Ides of March?

Who's life is this anyway?

Do you ever have one of those days when something so cool is going on that you sit back and wonder who's life you are living because no way could this be yours? Saturday night was one of those days. On Friday I was listening to the radio at work and they kept talking about Coldplay playing at a small club Friday night and tickets were only 10 bucks. I seriously considering going and buying tickets when they said that you could only purchase 1 ticket and it would be a wrist band not a ticket. As there was no way Brad could meet me to purchase a ticket for himself I gave up the idea. On Saturday Brad went off to work and I stayed home. Everything about the day seemed normal and we had discussed possibly going out with friends later that night. So I texted Brad asking him if he wanted me to makes some calls. He texted me back saying no we already had plans. He then called me a few minutes later and told me that Rob Cohen the director of Stealth had given him 2 tickets to the Coldplay concert Saturday night. I was thrilled and a little confused, who gets $150 a seat tickets for free? I then busied myself trying to figure out proper concert attire, ah yes I am a woman. We then met Brad's coworker, Markus, who had also been given a set of tickets, and went to the concert. As we were walking in we got more and more excited and then they took our tickets and said you can pick up your wrist bands over there. Wrist Bands? We glance over and see the wrist band table and above it were 3 little letters that sent us all into delight, VIP. We all giggled and jumped up and down with excitement. We then picked up our wrist bands and were told this would get us into the after party. Ok heaven was setting in. We then went to see our seats, center orchestra eye level to the stage. Ahh jumbo tron we don't need you tonight. I then turned to Brad and asked if he ever has one of those days when you wonder who's life this is anyway. He nodded and then I said well today I know who's it is Rob Cohen. Brad agreed that it was nice to be Rob. So that has now become a new running joke.

Now on to wedding stuff. Since we got engaged I have become painfully aware of all of those people in my life who I haven't kept track of. The people you think of all the time but never enough to reach out and call them. I started to feel really bad about all those people I have lost. It seems a little selfish to get in touch with them now because I have something to celebrate and not before just to celebrate their friendship. None the less I have made efforts to contact a lot of my old friends and have had surprising results. It would seem that a lot of others carry around the same guilt for not staying in contact and they also have big things to celebrate. It is shocking to see how many people are having babies!!! Anyway I was able to get in touch with an old roommate that I had lost track of, and it was one of those people who when you talk to them after a long time apart it seems as though no time has past. She is so great she has volunteered to do all the girlie shopping stuff and what not that is involved in a wedding. You may also guess that she is pregnant with her first baby. I am so glad to have a friend like her and still a little sad that I have not kept in better touch. So I suppose the point of all this to anyone reading is if you keep meaning to get in touch with someone. Do it already!!!!