I guess it is really no secret that this blog has all but died recently. I feel like I have nothing really interesting to share anymore. I am now a Mom and I feel like there is so little else to me. I used to have some original thoughts but lately I just feel so empty. I am trying this year to discover who I am again and not just Elijah's Mommy. So to help with this I am going to start actually using my YMCA membership and leave E in the childcare for an hour a day while I exercise, listen to music and regroup. I am not trying to whine here because I really do love being with Elijah and getting to stay home with him but I realized that without some me time I am a lousy wife and mother and we need a little more balance. Yesterday I let Brad watch E all day and I took a personal day and read a book from cover to cover. I still helped out when necessary but for the most part Brad was in charge while I got time to sit and read. It was wonderful and Brad handled the day great. I read the book Marley and Me, because I know there is very little chance of getting away to see the movie and I generally enjoy books more anyway. The story definitely had some very sad parts but overall I think it was a beautiful story that anyone who has ever loved a pet can relate too. I also had fun watching Brad try to dodge the flying legos, balls and other various hard things that Elijah has learned to throw lately. I don't think Brad knew what constant danger my life is in now that E has figured out that things fly through the air. The other day E threw a hard plastic ball right at my eye and it bruised a little, thankfully the bruise was gone by morning because I really didn't want to explain how my 15 month old gave me a black eye.
We made it through the holidays and I think we are still intact. We had some major news on Christmas day that was thrilling and sad at the same time. I am going to finally be a biological aunt. I am so happy for my brother and my soon to be sister in law but so sad that he didn't get to tell my Dad. While I am still angry and bitter that Dad never got to meet Elijah I got to tell him that Elijah was coming and feel his excitement and joy over the news. I never thought about how big a deal that really was until I realized that Nick will never have that moment and my heart breaks for him. My Mom is overjoyed at the news but again is so sad that my Dad is missing this. That being said I can't wait to be an aunt and for E to have a cousin close in age to him. Next month my brother will get married and I am so happy for him. I think I am going to go to the 99 cent store and see if I can find some shot guns for the wedding. It is only funny because they have been planning to get married for quite awhile but everything just now fell into place so they could. It just so happens that she got pregnant first.
Ok well now I am rambling and really don't have anything else to say. Hopefully I will be able to feel more of myself again soon and will therefore have something to share here again. I wouldn't hold my breath though if I were you.
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5 comments:
It's very wise of you to recognize that you need time to yourself in order to be a good mother and wife. Many first time mothers never recognize that.
Do me a favor and remind me of that here in about 6 months or so, OK?
Thank you so much for the picture you sent me. I finally thought to go check the mail today and there it was....made my whole day and it's now hanging on the frig where it can be enjoyed daily.
I'm glad that you are able to see you need you time. Maybe you can finally use those massage certificates now that you can reach your legs to shave them. :)
I can't say that I completely understand your situation, but I can relate. I am trying to find out who I am now, which is weird beacuse I thought I knew. I just got lost somewhere along the way.
I am so THRILLED for your brother! I bet he is floating at the thought of being a Daddy! He is going to be a GREAT one! If you need any pointers on how to be a cool Auntie, let me know. It's the one thing I can do very well.
I'm glad you're doing things for yourself, you deserve it. I think we ALL go through this for various reasons.
Hang in there my Friend!
I have been there too and its good that you got it figured out. Being a mom is a tough job and sometimes we all need a break from that. As the saying goes if Momma ain't happy then nobody ain't happy.
Take care
yeah i am starting to feel a little like that.
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