Sunday, May 02, 2010

I miss him already

In 48 hours I will be at the hospital preparing to have my baby girl. As excited as I am to have her I am also a little sad, Elijah can not visit us in the hospital. Since I will be having a repeat c-section that means up to 4 days of being in the hospital and I have never been away from him that long. I know he will be ok with all his grandparents watching over him but still I can't imagine not seeing him all that time. I know I am going to cry on the way to the hospital. I guess part of the thing is that I know we are turning his world upside down and I am just leaving someone else to deal with it.

I am also over flowing with emotion right now so I guess it is easy for me to stress. Not only am I nine months pregnant but today is the third anniversary of my Dad's passing. I wouldn't want to be a person to get on my bad side today that is for sure. The good news is with me having the baby on Tuesday the whole family is here today to celebrate my Dad's life. He was an amazing man and I was lucky to have had him in my life for as long as I did. We will have BBQ spare ribs and potato salad in his honor tonight. So food will be plentiful and the stories will get loud.

Thursday, March 25, 2010


what are we goin see next?
Elijah is talking more and more. I will say that this is a great thing for many reasons, and I look forward to hearing his crazy stories and posting them for all to see. The problem is that as his language develops he loses some of the really cute Elijah words. For the longest time all liquid was Woe. Last week he began asking for juice or Woe. That was still fine and I liked that he was being more specific with what he was asking for, but then yesterday he asked me for water. It broke my heart a little for his word to go away. Last night for dinner I made pizza. In Elijah that would always be Pia, last night though he said oh Pizza. Why oh why can't he learn more words before he loses his cute words? He is turning into a boy everyday and this is the first time I look at him and want to slow time.

I know it is good that he is growing up and becoming more independent, especially with his sister quickly coming, but I love his being a toddler and am a little sad to see him grow up. The thing is I am not really a baby person. I see the first year as a blob year and was so happy when Elijah started walking and playing. Yes I loved him dearly the first year and I will love his sister too, but now is the first time in Elijah's life that I want to keep him at this age just a little longer. On Monday he will turn 2 1/2, each day he becomes more fun to watch. His imagination as he plays cracks he up. As I am typing this he is on the floor playing with his plains flying them. He then goes and gets his little farm and Moo's as he opens the cow door. He is learning and I for one love it. Yes my house is littered with toys that he brings out and then abandons, to run to the next thing, but it is a small price to pay.

All this makes me a little nervous for when the baby comes. I love where we are with Elijah and am scared about starting all over. How will she fit into the mix, and will Elijah get lost in that. Will she get the special time and attention that I had for Elijah? Will Brad and I have time to be a couple with two kids? I know we will work all these things out, but I am nervous for the transition. I will also say I am nervous to leave Elijah while I am in the hospital for almost a week. Yes his grandparents will all be there for him and will do a wonderful job with him, but he is my baby and I know I can't be there for him. I know I was just as nervous about how our lives were changing when I was pregnant with Elijah and now I wouldn't change anything, but still I worry. Since there are no answers that is all I can do for now.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Six weeks

So I have decided to shake some of the dust of this old blog and write a new post. Who knows if anyone is even reading this anymore. I can't believe how much has changed in my life since I started this blog. I have become engaged, married, pregnant, lost a father, become a new mom, raising a toddler, selling our first home, buying a new house, moving, getting pregnant, and now in the final weeks of pregnancy. Not to mention countless other jobs and life events that have been chronicled here. It is funny how this space could be so important but then be virtually ignored for so long. I have decided though that too much history is here to just let it fade away into nothing. So while I don't make any promises to being an active writer here I do want to still post from time to time.

Now I sit here and look at my life I am so often in shock. I am a very lucky woman to have my family and friends. In 6 short weeks we will be the proud parents to 2 children, a boy and a girl. When I think about it I can't believe we have been so blessed. I had always believed that when I decided to get pregnant that I would have a hard time. I told myself that I would be ok with adopting if we couldn't have our own children. I don't know why I was so convinced that we would struggle but I was sure. When it came time to try to get pregnant, we went off the pill early than we originally planned because we were sure it could take a long time and I wasn't getting any younger. Much to my surprise we were pregnant right away and 42 weeks later our beautiful son entered the world. He is an amazing little guy and I can't imagine having a child more perfect to be a part of our family. He is everyday growing more and more. I often marvel at how we got such a perfect fit for us. We both knew we wanted to have another child to be E's sibling but agreed at first to wait until he was 1 1/2 to start trying so he would be over 2 when the next one was born. Then we realized that we wanted to buy a bigger house with a yard before we were pregnant again so we decided to wait. So many of our friends then got pregnant again and miscarried or struggled with pregnancy that I again worried that it would be difficult for us once we were ready. Boy was I wrong. We bought or house and moved in. Within the first two weeks of living here I was again pregnant. Unlike with Elijah I was sure there was no way I was pregnant so when I looked at the calendar and saw I was late I thought it was just the stress of moving. I took a test anyway before I threw a party for Brad's birthday just incase. I was completely shocked when the test said as clear as can be pregnant. As excited as I was I was also in shock, I hadn't really prepared myself mentally to be pregnant again so it took a little time for it all to sink in. After watching so many of our friends struggle though I was much more worried this time than I was with E. It was a great relief to have early testings to ease my mind that the baby was doing well and that it was going to be a girl. The beginning of the pregnancy flew by. Everything was happening so much faster than it did with E. Then the third trimester hit. These last few weeks are dragging! I can't wait to meet my little girl and cuddle her. I can't wait to not be pregnant. I am thankful though that we aren't a species like an elephant with a really long gestation, I think I would go completely nuts.

Well E is now awake from his nap and I haven't typed anything I originally meant to when I started this, and worse than that I no longer remember what I originally planned to say. Oh well chalk it up to pregnancy brain. If I remember later what the point of this was I will do a new post. See you later.