So yesterday was my due date and I sit here today still pregnant. I guess I have provided a good cocoon for him as he is not wanting out. I am so ready to meet him and a little frustrated that he is not more anxious to meet me as well. I am really over being pregnant and I hate having our lives on complete hold.
Emotionally I am a wreck. The loss of my Dad is weighing very heavy on me. Now that all the family has gathered around to wait out Elijah it is so very real to me that my Daddy isn't here. I am so angry and sad at a time that should be the happiest of my life. The counting of the weeks makes it even harder to deal with as at any given moment I know exactly how many weeks he has been gone. It was 20 weeks ago today that we took him to the hospital for the last time. I hate that I know that and know that when the pregnancy finally ends I won't be so aware of the weeks. So right now I am constantly on the verge of tears and will start crying at the drop of a hat. This is so not who I am and I hate being this raw.
My Mom and Brad's parents are all here waiting for me to have the baby. I know they all mean well but their constant anticipation is driving me crazy. I feel like I am on display and that they are jumping at my slightest move to see if this is finally labor. I feel as though my bodies refusal to release the baby is my fault and letting them all down. I know rationally that this is not true, but as I have said I am not exactly rational right now. I should say also that I love having them all here and in some ways it makes the wait easier but it can be overwhelming. This is the first moment I have been alone in a week. Brad is out shooting pictures and I left my Mom with my brother, Brad's parents are still at their hotel. It has been a really nice morning to just collect myself and my thoughts. It was also nice to have a little cry this morning with no fear of how it was effecting someone else.
Anyway hopefully the baby will come soon and I can move on. I probably won't be back around until after the baby comes, but I promise I will post as soon as the little guy finally decides to get out.
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About Me
- Karin
- I am a mom that is just trying to keep treading water, when everything around me feels like it is trying to drown me.
10 comments:
If ya need an outlet, Im a phone call away. I love you!
Your poor dear..I know what its like waiting for the little ones, espeailly the first one.
Sorry your dad wont be here to enjoy it with u, but u know he is with u in spirit.
Must be very hard, and I am very sorry:(
Oh wow so how over due is super late?
You poor girl. I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. It must be SO difficult on you, especially with (well meaning) family around.
I think Brad should text all of us when he's finally here :-)
Ohhh hun. It will all be over soon, and when you do finally get to meet the little guy, you won't even remember caring about this stuff. Hang in there. At least you KNOW that it won't be long now.
xxx
I hear you. That last week is the worst! He'll be here before you know it.
I cannot imagine your grief right now over your dad. Just wanted to say, I'm here, I'm listening. You are loved.
Awww hugs to you. I hope that you don't have to wait too long.
Your little man will make all the pain and hurt go away.
Take care sweetie xx
We're thinking about you every day in the Buckeye State and yes, we want the text message as soon as the little guy comes! Hang in there!
???Well???
He has to come out sometime - he can't stay in there forever. I hope that you have a safe & smooth delivery. Can't wait to see pictures when he is here. (although I hope he is already)
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