Always Something There to Remind Me

Parenthood

We went to a new Dr. on Monday and had Elijah's 6 month check up. What a world of difference this Dr. made. He made me at ease with the slow rate that E is gaining weight. He said that E is following a curve and that as long as he continues to gain along that curve we shouldn't worry. He said he would worry more about gaining too much weight to fast which is what I had been saying. Anyway the whole thing brought an interesting revelation to me. There are so many decisions you have to make about your child before you ever meet them and know what decision you should be making. It is kind of like studying for an anatomy test with chemistry notes, it is all still science but not the science you need to help you with the subject you need, no matter how good those notes are. I mean I did all the research on how to get a Dr and what questions to ask and for all that research the original Dr seemed ideal. We could not have scripted a better text book example of Dr offices and yet they were so wrong for us. The new Dr would have failed our test via research and so we would not have considered them but at the end of the day they listened to me and treated us like humans not cogs on a conveyer belt. The problem with this is that a lot of Doctors will only take babies at birth and then after that moment they don't take transfers. Now I think this is stupid and dangerous, come on you can't decide on the right Dr. for the next 18 years before you have met the kid that will be their patient. Anyway it isn't just that there are so many decisions you have to make before you ever have a kid and often you don't have all the information to make that decision at the time. A chase in point here is strollers, it seemed so simple you buy a car seat and then you buy a stroller from the same company so they click together. Which is fine in theory but then you think that is the way it has to be done but chances are that might not be the way you should go. What are you going to do with the stroller? Are you taking a stroller fitness class? Are you going to have more than 1 kid. The next thing you know you have several different strollers and you are switching them out depending on your days events. Really for me the stroller from the car seat company wasn't the right choice but I didn't know that then. All in all I feel like parenthood has made me revert back to that scared 5 year old that was too afraid to talk in class and prove how stupid I really am. I thought I had conquered those demons after I was held back in Kindergarten but here they are right in my face almost 30 years later. I swear I have never felt this small and insecure about every choice I make since I was that shaky first time kindergartener. So I can only hope that when Brad and I have a second I can feel the surge of confidence I had the second time I started Kindergarten. I knew I had been there before and that I knew things I didn't know the first time and a lot more than the other kid's in my class. Some how I doubt it, I think each kid will bring around different situations that make you feel small and scared and incapable. I think now that confident parents are either liars or are to naive to know that they should be scared. I am betting though that under it all we all feel like we are still playing at house and hoping that somehow everything will work out in the end. There are no right answers only thing I can do is try to make the best choices with whatever facts I have at the time even if that means throwing out all the research and advice that I have been given.