If I had balls they would have been kicked

You ever just have a week where it feels like you are being kicked over and over again? We began our week flying across the country with the baby and trying to get back into our normal routine. It all seemed innocent enough, we had a good trip visiting with family and the baby did well with the flights and the upheaval to our routine. I was tired though and had a cold from our travels that left me a little cranky if not a lot snotty. Wednesday morning I got up early and jumped into the shower before Brad would get up for work. The water didn't seem to be getting hot enough and so I spent my time trying to get the water to just the right temp. I still don't know what was up with that but it would lead to further confusion on my part as the morning unfolded. I finished my shower and came to the room to get dressed. I told Brad about the water and was just about to get dressed when the doorbell rang. It was a little before 8 am so I could not think who would be at our door. Brad jumped out of bed and went to see who it was, still in his underwear. It was the maintenance man for our complex asking if our downstairs was flooding. Brad ran to see and I still in my towel ran to throw him shorts. I ran back upstairs and got dressed and then went to see what was happening. Sure enough our downstairs was covered in water. The main line had backed up and overflowed into our building. since we had carpet in our bonus room we had to move all the furniture out into the garage so the carpet could dry out. This meant that our cars would have to be parked in the outside complex parking. The plan from there was to pull up the carpet and install something easier to mop up and then reload everything into the bonus room this weekend. This morning we left at 10 to go to Linoleum City and pick out a new floor. We got to the car and I saw glass all over the ground. With horror I looked up at the rear drivers side window and saw it was no longer there, shit shit shit shit! Glass was everywhere. My brand new GPS that Brad gave me last week for Hanukkah was gone as was the XM radio Brad gave me last year for Hanukkah were gone. This is the moment I lost it and began to cry at the side of my car. Man do I not need this right now. Thankfully the garage door opener was not taken as that would give them access to our whole house. They also left all the Babies gear which I actually would have been way more pissed if they took them the electronics. We then spent our whole day driving 70 miles each way to the only dealership in Southern California that had the window in stock. We came home and reassembled the office in our bonus room. We got everything in and our cars are now once again parked in the safety of our garage. We are both exhausted and cranky. Hopefully tomorrow we will get through the day with no more drama.

In good news for my day the 49ers finally won a game today. At least they are better than the Dolphins.

Halloween

So here is a picture teaser of our Halloween. We have found that it is a lot of fun to dress up our son in costumes. I believe in total Elijah ended up with 7 costumes. I found this one at the Children's Place on clearance for 5 bucks. We decided that the picture value alone was worth the price. So keep on the lookout for more pictures of various costumes on Elijah's site.

We have had my Mom here helping us out until Friday the 26th of October. Then on saturday the 27th Susan came for a week to help us out and see the baby. So this is the first time that it has been just me and Brad here since before Elijah was born. It was so nice to have so much help but I am really excited to start getting on a normal schedule. Right now he is napping peacefully in his pack and play and I am taking the time to catch up on the internet. I think I am adjusting to being a Mom and getting used to the hours that this job requires. We are working on getting him to sleep without us holding him, it seems to work if we get him soundly asleep before we put him down. But I think it will be awhile before he will go to sleep on his own. Oh well there are worse things then snuggling a baby.

After he wakes up I plan to nurse him and then load him up in the stroller. I want to try to go walking with him everyday. I think that he is good motivation to exercise and by pushing the stroller I feel like I am not alone. Friday I go back to the Dr. for my 6 week checkup. I can't believe that a lot of Mom's would be looking at returning to work in a week, I can't imagine having to put my little man in daycare already. I feel like he is still just fresh out of the womb, and he needs me so much and I need to be the Mom still. I feel so blessed that I don't have to tear myself in two and send him to daycare. I am so lucky that we can afford for me to be a stay at home Mom. Elijah is just starting to smile and I would hate that he was giving them all to someone on else I don't even know.

Ok I think I am just rambling now. I hope to be around a little more now as things settle into a pattern. See you all soon.

Motherhood

I know I have been away too long and some of you are waiting for updates on the birth of my little man. For the most part this blog will be about me and my thoughts and tales of Elijah will be kept on his web site www.elijahherman.com. But since you all waiting so patiently for news from me I will post about his birth and some of the joys of motherhood. I guess the first thing is it is amazing to me how quickly you change when you become a parent. My first waking thought is of him and wondering if he is ok, do I need to wake him up to eat. I am no longer the person I was before, I am a Mom and that changes everything. I now understand a little more why women suffer from post partum depression, a lot changes the instant you give birth and I can see how that would be completely overwhelming to some. I am not saying this to imply that I am suffering from it because I am doing really well but to say I get it now in a way I never could before becoming a parent. Some parts of being a Mom have been completely wonderful, when I hold him and he looks up at me and I can see the love and trust in his eyes. Or when he snuggles in and sleeps on my shoulder.

The birth went nothing like we planned and I am starting to think that is just par for the course for us. When I last posted I thought I had lost my mucus plug but in fact I had a slow leak in my water, so when we went to the Dr. they sent us straight to the hospital. At the hospital they did several things to try to get me dialated and contracting. For 34 hours they tried to get me into normal labor and it just didn't happen. So I went in and had a c-section. It was amazing how quickly they took me back for the surgery when we said ok let's do it. I guess they didn't want me to change my mind. Anyway I was whisked backed and in a few minutes I heard my little man cry for the first time. He seemed none to happy about being pulled out of me and displayed his discontent by peeing all over the surgeon who was pulling him out. At the same time he was pooping. Brad then watched as they warmed him up and did whatever it is that they do at birth. I was shaking uncontrollably and was in no condition to hold him then so Brad and he went to the nursery while I was stapled up and sent to recovery. About an hour later Brad and the baby came to recovery and the nurses attached him on to breast feed for the first time. He fed and then was taken back away while I continued to come off the epi. I was then taken to our room and Brad and the baby met me there. Again a nurse was there and helped attach elijah on to my breasts. He nursed for a few minutes and then turned blue for a minute. The nurse grabbed him and ran him back to the nursery. From that point on he remained in the nursery and was brought to me every few hours to nurse. It was very clinacal and not what I expected at all. It wasn't until the next day that I really got a chance to hold my son and bond with him.

Ok well I have more to post but the little man has woke up and is demanding food. I will post more later.

Maybe...

At 5 am I woke feeling different. I got up and went to the bathroom and when I wiped I noticed that the paper had a dark streak. I got up and turned on the bathroom light and looked again. Sure enough there was a small amount of blood in the toilet and on the paper. I am guessing that it is my mucus plug. Since then I have been having some contractions (I think). We have a Dr. appointment at 9 so we will double check everything. So with any luck we will go on our own today. If not I am scheduled for an induction on sunday. So within the next few days one way or the other we will finally meet baby E.

Day 8 and counting

So it seems as though my little man is quite comfortable staying in my womb. We are now at day 8 past my due date. To say I am frustrated is an understatement. It isn't so much that I am uncomfortable, because honestly I am far more comfortable than I would have expected to be at this point, but I am just so ready to be done. I will say though as each day passes I get a little more uncomfortable and a lot more cranky. I do ok during the day but the nights are terrible. I get about 10 minute stretches of sleep at a time and wake up in pain, nausea or with over active brain. I am guessing that it is just as well that everyone else is sound asleep at those times because my mood during those hours is not fit for companionship.

Nothing else really to say, my life is in a holding pattern and I am doing not much until I am finally cleared for take off. When the baby does decide to come you may not see an update here but you will see the news posted at Tysgirls blog and more than likely on Susan's blog as well. The links to these sites are to the side so you can check there to see if indeed Elijah has decided to get out.

Counting

So yesterday was my due date and I sit here today still pregnant. I guess I have provided a good cocoon for him as he is not wanting out. I am so ready to meet him and a little frustrated that he is not more anxious to meet me as well. I am really over being pregnant and I hate having our lives on complete hold.

Emotionally I am a wreck. The loss of my Dad is weighing very heavy on me. Now that all the family has gathered around to wait out Elijah it is so very real to me that my Daddy isn't here. I am so angry and sad at a time that should be the happiest of my life. The counting of the weeks makes it even harder to deal with as at any given moment I know exactly how many weeks he has been gone. It was 20 weeks ago today that we took him to the hospital for the last time. I hate that I know that and know that when the pregnancy finally ends I won't be so aware of the weeks. So right now I am constantly on the verge of tears and will start crying at the drop of a hat. This is so not who I am and I hate being this raw.

My Mom and Brad's parents are all here waiting for me to have the baby. I know they all mean well but their constant anticipation is driving me crazy. I feel like I am on display and that they are jumping at my slightest move to see if this is finally labor. I feel as though my bodies refusal to release the baby is my fault and letting them all down. I know rationally that this is not true, but as I have said I am not exactly rational right now. I should say also that I love having them all here and in some ways it makes the wait easier but it can be overwhelming. This is the first moment I have been alone in a week. Brad is out shooting pictures and I left my Mom with my brother, Brad's parents are still at their hotel. It has been a really nice morning to just collect myself and my thoughts. It was also nice to have a little cry this morning with no fear of how it was effecting someone else.

Anyway hopefully the baby will come soon and I can move on. I probably won't be back around until after the baby comes, but I promise I will post as soon as the little guy finally decides to get out.

I am alive and still pregnant

I haven't been around much lately because I am trying to get things done before the baby comes. Saturday I had my second baby shower at my brothers. We had a great time and we now have everything we need for the baby I think. My Mom is here and will be for a couple more days. On Wednesday we are having new floors put in the living room so that it is cleaner and safer for the baby as our carpet has seen better days. So anyway I am busy and won't be around much for the rest of the week. Hopefully once the floors are done we can relax and just wait out the baby.

Have some cheese to go with my whine.

Be prepared for a whiny post ahead. Ok so I thought I was strong and handling pregnancy and all that came with it. I thought I was a big girl and I could get through it without whining too much about the side effects. This weekend I learned I was wrong. Now I have handled the hemorroids, constipation, moodiness, exhaustion, bloating, and even one night throwing up my dinner still sitting at the dinner table at a restaurant with my bro and almost sister in law. I believe that I never once whined on here about any of those things. Heck to some degree I thought these symptoms were funny. But saturday morning I woke up with the worst side effect I have ever heard of. Now I guess I should say I have never been one to get zits and maybe only ever get one a month during my cycle. In the last few weeks though I have been breaking out fairly regularly. I have had zits on my lips several times and I thought they were the worst place to get one, that is until Saturday. I woke up and my right eye hurt so bad I thought I might have pink eye. I went to the bathroom and found no I didn't have pink eye I have a zit forming on my eyelid right above my eyelashes. Now who the hell has ever gotten a zit on their eyelid? Anyway add the painful zits to the sleeplessnes, the complete inability to find a comfortable position, and the extreme pressure on my hips and bladder making me likely to pee my pants at the threat of a sneeze or a bump in the road, and I will say I am over being pregnant and would really like this baby to come early. Brad doesn't want him to come yet but since he isn't carrying the baby and flatly refuses to be the pregnant one for even a day he doesn't get a vote. I guess I really don't get a vote either but if I did I would say come early little man, Mommy wants to meet you.

This weekend we went about getting new cell phones and getting on a family plan. I got a new Blackberry Pearl in red and Brad ordered the iphone that I believe arrived today. Of course this means that Brad has taken over my laptop because it is much better to pair the iphone with the mac then with a pc. Ahh sweet apple I loved you while you were mine. We will have to have our love affair during the day while my husband is at work. Anyway I love my new phone and it has enabled me to be even more obsessive about checking my email. It is nice having a whole keyboard to type on instead of the old way of text messaging. I have found I can keep up a little more with Brad's texts. I am sure I will get faster when I get used to where all the keys are. I still have to figure out how to invite other blackberry users to be in my circle so I promise when I have Brad home to show me I will ask him how to send you my code Penni.

Last night I went and took a lactation class, to help ease my fears about feeding this little man when he comes out. I took my friend with me who just finished her first trimester. I think we must have been the most immature people in the class cause we were the ones giggling at milk oozing from nipples on the video. There were also several parts where I was cringing at the thought. It is still weird to me that these enormous spill catchers are going to provide the thing to solely sustain my child for the first 6 months of his life. The body is an amazing thing and I am happy that these things will finally have a purpose other than to prove what a slopping eater I am. Anyway I am glad that I took the class. My friend was glad to have gone too and knows now that she needs to take classes from her hospital to see how things will be done there. Tonight we have our very last prepared child birth class. I guess after that we will know all we are going to know to actually have the baby. Oh in case any of you are counting I am due in 32 days. Can you believe that 32 more days and then we will have a little us.

I think that is all I have left to say of any value. I will post more later when I have something worth saying.

Because I am Worth It

Yesterday I took an all about me day. First our cleaning lady came and did all the deep cleaning for our house. It is so nice to have someone do the things like scrub the toilets, even if we can only have her come every other week. I then left the house and went to the mall and looked for a light weight robe to wear at the hospital. I pulled into the parking lot and low and behold the expectant mother spot was open and available. I parked and waddle into the mall and headed into JCPenny. I found a silk robe that fit around my enormous belly and headed to the register, what do you know the robe was even on sale for 20 bucks, yeah me. I was so excited that not only did I find what I was looking for but I found it at the first store I went too. What can I say Penny's has always been very good to me.

From the mall I went to get my hair trimmed as it was really overdue. I got it trimmed up and it now looks a lot healthier. It still looks pretty gray but I won't use a permanent dye until after I give birth because I don't want to be around all those harsh chemicals. After that I decided to go to the nail salon that is in the same shopping center. I got a manicure and a pedicure and I have to admit it felt great. I ended up paying extra to have my callouses removed and then to have a scrub done. I know I have feet issues but the lady wore fresh gloves and massaged my feet and I loved it. I guess if there is no fear of you touching another part of my body with the hands you touched my feet with I can relax into it. Ok stop laughing at me all of you I know my issues don't make sense but I looked at yesterday as progress. Anyway it was a great treat and I felt like a million bucks when it was done. It is nice to be pampered every once in awhile.

Then last night I had my fourth prepared childbirth class. It included the hospital tour. I was a little sad that Brad was missing it but I took my Doula with me and so it was nice to have her support there. I think it was good for her as well. Anyway when we got to the end of the tour we were looking at the rooms that we would stay in after the baby was born, they are kind of small but right across from it is the nursery with glass windows to look in. While we were there a newborn baby and Daddy were in there getting his first bath. Daddy was beet red and you could tell was very happy. At first he had a video camera out video taping the bath. Then he pulled out a digital camera and started taking still pictures. Then he pulled out his iphone and began to text meesage everyone he knew. I was giggling so hard at him because even though I won't be there to see it when our son is bathed I know that is exactly the progression that Brad will go through. I just kept saying that is exactly what my husband will do.

Brad is having a good time at the conference thus far but you would never know it from the text messages I have gotten. The first one said we all crammed into a cab to get to the convention center and my phone got smooshed and cracked the screen so now it doesn't work right anymore. The next message was at 7 last night as I was pulling into the hospital. It stated a bird just shat on me! Again I had to laugh, if he had been with me that wouldn't have happened. So I am wondering what the next text will hold. He has called a couple of times to check in, I am guessing he is worried about me. His calls are very short and always while he is running to the next thing with the guys usually involving beer, so I am farely certain he is having fun despite the little set backs.

Today I am going to go do something with my friend Megan, who's husband is with Brad. I have no idea what we are going to do but I am sure we will find something to keep us busy and get us in trouble. I am sure I will have something to tell later of our nights activities. Well I think I might be off to the pool to try to relax and cool off. Elijah seems to really like the water and it is good for me to have the weight taken off my body for a little while.

We have fallen to the man.

You know that you have lost it a bit when you drive by a gas station and get all excited that the gas is only $2.93 a gallon. You get even more excited that the gas is Chevron I mean that shit has techron. So we pulled in as my very thirsty needed gas anyway. $35 later we pulled out feeling as though we had pulled one over on the man. It was then I realized how sad that really was. I mean when I got my license gas was just under a buck a gallon so has inflation really gotten to the point where 3 times the price is a deal? I know minimum wage hasn't tripled since then so why are we so accepting of being reamed up the rear by our goods getting so inflated? Well the thing is we really don't have a choice do we, I mean I am in no condition to walk or ride my bike everywhere I need to be. So I continue to pay the price for gas and whine like a school kid each time the price goes up. Oh well I am not here offering any sort of solution I am just merely pointing out the saddness of it all.

Tomorrow morning Brad leaves for his yearly geek conference. He will be gone until Thursday night and I will be left to my own devices. I hope he has a great time in his last getaway before fatherhood strikes. I have a feeling I will go a little stir crazy being home alone the next few days. We will see what kind of trouble I can find.

Well we didn't go on a photo safari as we couldn't think of anything cool enough to get out and do. We did have brunch at the beach this morning though and so a few pictures were taken. Brad posted them on his flickr so if you can figure out how to find them you can see them there. I would post a link but I am feeling way to lazy for that and I would like to limit the amount of people that see how truly enormous I have become. Oh well I am sure I will get bigger before this is over and I am a little frightened with how huge that will be. Well in 3 weeks I am considered full term and in 6 weeks I will have reached my due date. Those dates are getting scary.

I am not going anywhere

It seems as though a lot of my fellow bloggers have given up their blogs or are taking a hiatus. This makes me very sad as reading everyones blogs everyday is what has kept me relatively sane. I will say for the record even if everyone else leaves I intend to continue blogging. Yes I know I haven't been the greatest blogger in the world and with a new life coming next month I will not even dare to promise to be better anytime soon. I will promise to continue to post on my at least once a weekish kind of schedule. So that is my vow to you the faithful readers.

Today I had the car seat inspected by the CHP. I had attached it using the latch system in the middle seat. Apparently that is not the safest way to install it as the latches are too far apart in the middle so they reinstalled it using the center seat belt. Now the seat is safely installed and ready for Elijah to come. While there another lady had her car seats being done. When I asked her when she was due she said next week. Wow nothing like waiting until the last second, good thing she didn't go into early labor. I never thought I was a prepare ahead of time kind of person but this baby is proving me to be more organized and less procrastination then I have ever considered myself. I guess you never really know what type of person you are until you are tested.

As far as I know we have a pretty chill weekend planned but we will see. I am sure we will end up packing it full of things to do. Maybe we will even break out the cameras and I will have some pictures to post. We haven't gone on a photo safari in a little while mostly my fault as I get hot and tired so easy it is harder to go on our safaris. We will see if I can think of someplace cool that has places for me to sit. We will see, I can't think about anything off the top of my head. Maybe there is some drive through photo oppertunities I don't know about. Ok well I can't think of anything else to say so I guess I should just shut up.

August has arrived

I can't believe that it is already August! That means that next month Brad and I will be parents to a real human, how scary is that. I can't believe how fast time is flying by. Last night we had our 3rd prepared childbirth class. Only 2 more and we are on our own to figure out this whole giving birth thing. I guess you can say I am excited and scared silly all at the same time. I can't wait to hold my little boy and gaze at his face and know I don't have to hand him back to someone. Of course then I also worry that i won't know what to do and I will do everything wrong. I am guessing the truth is I will do some things wrong and somethings right and somehow they will balance each other out. It is just weird to know that next month he will be here.

I have really enjoyed having air conditioning. I even baked cookies this weekend knowing it wouldn't make the house to hot. I took them to 2 different parties over the weekend and everyone loved them. I guess that shouldn't be too surprising as who doesn't love peanutbutter kiss cookies. I have to say though it is nice to have my ego petted when everyone says how good my cookies are. Ok so there you have it I admit to loving the attention I get for my baked goods.

I know I had more I was going to say but I sdon't remember what in the heck it was. Oh well maybe I will remember later and you few that are still reading will have more than one post in a week. Oh I know one thing was that I had an ob appointment yesterday and an ultrasound. Elijah is growing very fast now and weighs 4 pounds 13 ounces. He has a strong heartbeat and looks to be developing well. I asked if it was still a boy and the tech showed me to big circles and says that is a boy if I have ever seen one. Brad was so proud that his boy had such a big pair. Leave it to a man to be more impressed that his son has a big pair than that he is developing well. As for me I have gained a total of 5 pounds so far this pregnancy which means I will end up weighing less after giving birth than I started out the pregnancy, go me! My blood pressure is good and my urine was clear. I don't have excessive swelling so it looks like everything is good and that it is just a matter of waiting for him to be ready.

Well that is enough for today. I wouldn't want to over stimulate you guys.

Ok I have issues

So the baby shower went great and Elijah made out like a bandit! It looks like a baby store threw up in our house. It was nice to see all the females of my family. I will however give a word of warning to all the gift givers that read here. A lot of stores have recently changed their return policies to be ridiculously restrictive. Without a receipt stores will no longer offer return or exchanges of any kind for items over 40 bucks. I know I always try to give a gift receipt but sometimes I may forget. It is very tacky to have to go back to someone who lovely gave you a gift and ask for a receipt because for whatever reason they need to make a return. I know that Target is one of these companies and they will do nothing to help you if you don't have a receipt or if the item has been in your possesion for more than 90 days. I received a highchair from my aunt that I really don't have room for so I was going to exchange it for the swing in the same line for the same price, Target would not do it. I finally called my Aunt and explained the situation and she luckily still had the receipt and is mailing it to me so that I can make the exchange, but I felt terrible telling her I couldn't use something she put so much thought into. So if you all have time could you also draft letters to Target and any other company with similar policies telling them that you disapprove of their practices and will no longer purchase high ticket items from their store. I feel like with only my complaint nothing will change but with hundreds of complaints they may rethink their policy.

Last night we went to our child birth class. We had a sub instructor and she had us all on the floor doing exercises. She decided to do a demo and walked up to me and asked "may I touch your feet?" Now we all know my complete anti fetish to feet and so for a half second I thought maybe I can let her do it, but the next second my brain screamed No! Unforunately my brain didn't tell my mouth to say it better so I blurted a stern No. Everyone in the class was so shocked at my out burst that they started laughing hysterically. I was so embarrassed. Why me though she had 17 other pregnant ladies to choose that don't have my issues why in the world would she single me out. Oh well Brad got a good laugh out of it at my expense. So if you were wondering how deep my feet issues run now you know I will risk total humiliation to save my feet from being touched.

Cool Runnings

So a lot has been going on and I have been quiet about it all. I will start with our exciting news of the week. On Monday we had air conditionning installed. Now at least I am not up all night because I am too hot to sleep. I need all the help I can get in the sleep department. We are so excited to not have to suffer through the heat this summer. Today I am waiting for the guys to show up and finish the job as they left a hole in the ceiling that they need to patch up.

So part of what I haven't been posting about is family stuff. My uncle has been in and out of the hospital since memorial day. He is my Mom's only living sibling and he lives a couple of hours from me. Anyway he has had pancreatitus. The hospital almost killed him at one point by putting him on solid food and his pancreas wasn't ready. Well last week he got transferred to a hospital around here so I was running back and forth to see him. He got released on Saturday and we think he is finally on the mend. He goes back in 3 weeks for another catscan to make sure everything is ok. I will say that I have had me so enough of hospitals for a very long time. I am hoping that after I have Elijah I won't have to see another hospital until I have another baby several years down the road. It has been very hard on me to see the prominent men in my life be so weak. I think by Saturday morning it all got to be to much and so I broke down sobbing uncontrollably. Brad wasn't sure what to do with me and I think it was hard on him to see me so broken.

Friday night Brad and I scored tickets to the Hollywood Bowl to see the L.A. Philharmonic conducted by John Williams. It was incredible. We packed a picnic dinner and took the ride share bus to the Bowl. It was so easy and made for a fun night. Brad was in awe to see his musical hero conduct the music we grew up on. When they played Superman I thought Brad was going to pee his pants. All in all it was a great night and we were so glad we got to go. I was a little sad that I couldn't share it with my Dad as he would have loved it. He was a huge classical music fan and it would have meant a lot to him to know we enjoyed it so much. I guess it is the little things I want to share with him that make me miss him the most.

Last night we started our prenatal education class. It was great to have a class where we could discuss all our fears and concerns. I am so glad we have decided to take these classes as it helps to ease some of my concerns. It also helps to show Brad that I am not being abnormal in how I am feeling. Of course watching 15 pregnant ladies try to get up off the floor was nothing short of comedy. I was realived to see that I naturally have adjusted to getting up right. We will see how the class progresses but so far it has been good for us.

Ok I think I am getting a bit long winded so I will cut it off for now. Thanks for coming by and reading my dribble.

As the Baby turns

Well Elijah has been kicking the stuffing out of me and has decided that after 3 am Mommy doesn't need any more sleep. The reslutls of this is me being tired and groggy all day. I am also starting to get some of the more fun side effects of pregnancy. Yesterday as I sat innocently at my desk I felt a sneeze coming on. I thought it was nothing to worry about but then it happened I sneeze peed. It was just a little tiny bit but I can tell very soon I will be buying depends undergarments. On another note recently when I run into people I know casually they ask how the pregnancy is going and then how much have I gained. I haven't gained anything but I don't think it is an appropriate question to ask someone. I mean I always sit there and worry about their reaction like are they thinking damn girl you are so huge how fat were you before that you haven't gained anything. It just is never right to ask a women about her weight.

In two days my Mom will be coming for a visit. My almost neice is in an iceskating competion on Sunday. My brother is renting a beach house near the event and we will be staying there through the 4th of July. It will be fun to spend time with the family and hang out on the beach. I expect to get very tan even through my 45 sun block. Actually this is kind of a weird thing but have you noticed that some people over tan? I mean when you look like leather maybe it is time to leave the beach. Saturday Brad and I went to Balboa Island and there was a woman sunbathing and she was very leathery. I couldn' believe she could look at herself in a mirror and still think she needed to lay out more. Anyway no fear I will not be the incredible leather woman.

So I have been listenning to XM radio in my car and mine unit has a button to pick your favorite artists and it will tell you whenever they are on. Anyway several of the artists that I have selected as favorites I realized I have never bought their albums. So it got me to thinking what is your favorite artist that you have never bought their music. For me I guess it is Red Hot Chili Peppers. I like them but they are played so much on the radio I have never felt the need to buy the music. I suppose they are victims of their own popularity. Anyway if you have an artist let me know who and why.

Traitor

Well the time has come for me to change parties. No not political parties but computer parties. I have gone to the supposed dark side and as of today am the proud owner of a shiny new macBook. So now our pc household has a competiter. So far there are things I like better and things I liked better on my pc. On my old laptop the mouse area had a scroll button and you could double tap the finger area without having to click the button. These things made life a little easier. Most other things I think will be easier on this but I will have to still figure out how to load my pictures on to this computer since I have no idea where the cord is from camera since I have always used a card reader. Maybe I will just plug the card reader into here too, I am sure Brad will have an opinion on the best course of action. Anyway as soon as I figure out how to do this I will be starting a new website for the baby. Apple has some great ways to do this and so once I know how I will get that up and running. I will have some things on that website password protected as I am a little paranoid about having too much information out there available for the web as a whole. As soon as I have that up I will email an address to that for you to have access.

Thank you so much for all of the love and support you guys have given me. This has been a tough time and I am getting through it slowly. There is so much I have wanted to share with my Dad and it is so hard not having him there to tell everything too. I guess I haven't posted much because I didn't have anything worth sharing. I haven't been doing much because I am just not in the mood. I am also tired and very pregnant at this point so there isn't much to share. I guess I am just in a weird place and it was easier to say nothing than to try to figure out what to say. For the most part I am doing ok. The last couple of days have been very busy. We went to Napa for the weekend as Sunday was my Mom's birthday. Of course focussing on that made it a little easier to ignore that it was also another holiday. I won't lie all the commercials for father's Day were hard on me and on more than one occasion I flipped the tv the bird and cried. I guess you don't realize how many people take their father's for granted and I would do anything just to hear his voice. I am sure in time all this will be easier but right now it is so fresh and I still feel so cheated. Most people my age are starting to lose their grandparents where in I have lost all of them and also my Father, frankly I am bitter. On the preganncy website one woman posted a big whiny post about losing her great grandfather. I wanted to deck the bitch. Boo who you lost a great grand parent come to talk to me when it is someone a little closer. I chose to ignore the post because I had nothing good to say to her.

Little Elijah is doing well and is getting bigger by the day, as am I. It is hard to believe how much bigger I will get in the next 13 weeks. I am now in my last trimester so the end is near. It is hard to believe we will meet or little boy in 3 months. Everyday he seems to kick a little more and a little stronger. It is really kinda nice to feel all the little kicks and to know that he is doing ok. The first part of the pregnancy was hard because you never knew if something had happened and so it is a lot better to feel him wiggling around. Anyway things are going well and soon I will look like a giant beached whale.

Last night Brad and I went to a party to launch a new cell phone. Our friend is a party planner so she got us in. There were a ton of old actors there like Allen Thicke, Christopher Knight, Adrian Curry, Scott Baio and more. Brad was in heaven though when he heard that the entire cast of Heros was there! He got a picture with them and I must say that the actor that plays Sylar is just as creepy looking in person. Brad also got to meet George Takai and I think his geek-o-meter went past maximum. I am not much of a partier these days so Brad had a much better time than I did but it was so cute to see him and Jens so excited. I think they probably made all their office mates jealous today.

Well I will post more soon and more often I promise. Hopefully we will be getting airconditioning soon and then I will be more able to post without dying. If not with my new computer I can post from an airconditioned Starbucks near me. I best be getting back to figuring out my laptop. I promise I will actually comment on everyones posts soon. I have read everyones but not commented. See you all soon.

Retail Therapy

So since I have been in a bit of a funk lately I haven't posted much. We have been keeping busy though. On the 21st we celebrated our first anniversary. To mark the occasion we went to the San Diego zoo and to the Huntington Botanical gardens. We had a good time but it was a little sad that I couldn't tell my Dad about it because he would have loved it. Last weekend Susan came to visit and we had a nice visit although all to short. On Monday we went to my Bro's for a bbq and met all of C's extended family.

This weekend we spent running around, went to a birthday party for new friends. We went out to breakfast today with old friends. This afternoon we went to Babies-r-us to work on the registry for Elijah. On the way home we decided to go test drive cars for the fun of it. Well we are now the proud owners of a 2007 Toyota Rav 4. It is so nice and will be great for the baby. It is very safe and gets great gas mileage. We will be selling off the Kia as some as we find someone to pay a decent price for it. Anyway here is a picture of the new car. The color is Pacific Blue. I am so happy with it.

Loss....

On Wednesday May 2nd, 2007 the most amazing person I have ever known passed away. Some of you already know this, and I appreciate all the love and support you have given me through this terrible time. For those of you that don't know, in February my Father was diagnosed with colon cancer. We were given every reason to hope for the best and that he would have many more years with us. However this is not how things turned out. It seems my Dad had a very exotic and aggressive form of cancer and with 6 weeks of treatment he was gone. SO instead of listing the details on what all has transpired that ended with me losing my Father I will tell you more about the person he was.



My very earliest memories of my Dad are from when I was very young. Every night after dinner my brothers and I would all pile around his chair and he would read us stories. Sometimes we would bring the same book over and over and Dad always read them to us. Sometimes he would try to skip pages and we would always catch him and insist that he read the whole thing. It was always a special time and we all looked forward to this nightly ritual with Daddy. I don't know when this stopped but I am a little sad now when I think about it that we didn't make the time last longer. I know he must have been sad when we grew to old to have him read to us.

Dad worked a lot of hours and worked very hard. He loved his job and he was very good at it. A lot of men like this would get lost in their work and forget how important their family is. No my Dad. He would rush home and help coach my brothers football teams. He never missed a game. He made us feel good about ourselves even though there were always kids that were a lot better athletes. I guess I didn't realize at the time that this wasn't normal but now I know there were a lot of kids involved in our activities but very few parents. I am so lucky to have grown up with the kind of parents that were a part of our activities.



Of all the lessons that my Dad has ever taught me, the most valuable is love. Dad didn't grow up in the kind of family that said I love you. They didn't show their love very much and you were never quite sure how they felt about you. Dad made it a priority that his house would be different. Everyday he told us all how much he loved us. I never doubted my relationship with him even when I had been in the wrong. The worst possible punishment from this man came in sentences like this, "Karin I will always love you, but right now I am so disappointed in what you have done." With that my world would crash and I would do everything in my power to not ever hear those words again. I think though that more important than how he loved us his children was how he loved my Mom. You could always tell how much he cared and thought about her. She was the most brilliant, beautiful, and caring woman in the world to him and his eyes danced when she entered a room. The love between them was a force of nature and it made all around them thirst for a piece of their happiness. They taught us that you choose love everyday and that marriage is forever. I knew that I had met the man of my dreams when I saw in him what I had always seen in my Fathers eyes. A love like that is worth waiting for and I hope that in 42 years we will still have the same look that was still in my Father's eyes. In the last moments of Dad's life all others that were in the room melted away but he still watched her every move. He no longer heard any of the rest of us but Mom he hung onto. He fought with every fiber of his being to keep breathing for her sake and the moment she told him it was ok to leave he took two more gasps and then left this world. You knew in that moment he would have kept trying to stay if only for her sake. As painful as that was I knew I was watching something rare and beautiful. Thank you Dad for always showing me what love was.



Dad longed to be a grandparent and to see his children receive the blessings he felt that we had given him. While he had 4 adopted grandchildren he was excited to have one made from scratch. When Brad and I found out we were pregnant I could not wait to share the news with him. He was so happy and being able to make his dream come true was one of the happiest days of my life. Today we were told for sure that it is a boy, Elijah and the news was bittersweet. I am so happy to be having a healthy baby boy, but sad that Dad will not be here to hold his grandson. I am so glad though now that we didn't wait to get pregnant and that Dad did know that he had a grand baby on the way. For now that has to be enough. I know that Dad is watching over us and showing Elijah the ropes. He is making sure that he is cared for and gets here safely. I wish that this was enough for me, but the truth is I would rather have him here.

I love you Daddy, I miss you. Thank you for being more than I could ever hope for.

Wasting Time

Since I no longer can use my favorite drugs, ie wine, a hot bath, or decent TV I have turned to other things to fill my loneliness and boredom. My newest addictions come in the forms of video games. Now let me be clear I am not my husband so my skill is somewhat lacking in these fields. For my birthday Brad bought me a Nintendo DS. My MIL bought me the game Elite Beat Agents. All I can say is that for such a cheesy game it is totally addictive. SO much so that I already beat all of the game on the easier setting. I believe that on my own I have never before played a game until the credits rolled. I must say I was a little sad to see there wasn't another level for me to conquer. So before moving on to the next difficulty level I turned to yet another birthday present. You see Jens and Megan gave me Super Paper Mario for the WII and for the past two days I have been sending a lot of time flipping through the dimensions. Unfortunately now I am stuck because I am too lame to know how to make my Mario jump high enough so I had to turn off the game until Brad comes home to help me. I guess this means that I should start doing things like laundry instead.

Tomorrow I am heading back to my parents for a week. I will be taking the train there as everyone feels I should not be driving for that long. I plan to take my laptop with me so I can surf the net from my folks house. This means I may post a little while I am there but I will definitely be reading all of you guys so don't disappear on me. About my post yesterday, I was kidding when I asked if it was due to me, that kid and his family had problems long before and long after I ever sat for them. I truly believe that he had no chance in life to do better because the role models he was surrounded by were poor at best. I believe that the whole family had and have mental problems that are not treated. That being said the distance between their house and my families is larger than it would seem to say that it is across the street. My parents house is actually quite a ways off the street to begin with and other than pulling into our out of our driveway we never see the neighbors. So the situation wasn't scary for them just bizarre. Like I said you often see people on the news after an event and hear them say they could see that there were problems all along and you think to yourself that would never be you being interviewed, however yesterday when I heard the news I wasn't all that surprised. I will say this apparently wasn't a random shooting and he did know the person he shot. I know nothing more than that but it isn't like he went on a rampage.

Now I have posted three days in a row. I hope for all of you that have been nagging me about my lack of posting will feel full from all the posting I have done this week. I would savor the posts if I was you because I am fairly sure I won't be posting tomorrow. Have a great weekend everyone. Be safe.

And they are letting me become a parent!

SO I just got a call from my Mom telling me that the kid across the street, who is now 25 and no longer a kid, murdered a 62 year old man last night. I babysat him from the time he was 2 until about 4 and I stopped because quite honestly the whole family was WEIRD! Anyway if my fine early nurturing skills brought forth such a great human I have to question God for allowing me to reproduce. Well I am hoping the damage was done by the environment he grew up in and not anything I could have done. Actually I was far too young to be babysitting anyway because I was only like 10 when I started watching him. I don't know anymore details as to the murder or why he did it but he has already admitted to the police that he did it. My Mom said there have been 3 cop cars across the street searching the house since before she left the house at 7 and they are still there now. She only found out what happened because the news called her to see what she knew about him. She didn't say anything. Heck the only thing we really do know about the family is from 21 years ago. However it was one of those times when someone says so and so did this and we weren't shocked in the slightest, sad really when you think about it.

In completely unrelated news today is my bestest friends in the whole wide world birthday. SO go on over to Susan's blog and wish her the happiest of birthdays. Hey while your over there you can remind her that she is older than me. Hope you had a great day Pooh!